I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
