Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
