So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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