These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
