i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
