I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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