MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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