before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
