cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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