I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
