At least make sure they are 18
Why
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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