Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
