It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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