I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
