Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
