You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize