I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
