i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
