whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
