the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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