Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
