How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
