She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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