You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
