I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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