cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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