And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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