I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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