i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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