im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
