i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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