Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
