Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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