I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
