i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
