I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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