drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
