He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
