sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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