i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
