You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
