Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You ruined the universe
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
