So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
