How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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