if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's never too late to be topless.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
