Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
