just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
