Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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