Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
