I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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