Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
