So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
