Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
