Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
