Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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