I can tuck mytits in my pants
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
