my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
