I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
