Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
