if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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