My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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