i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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