he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
