eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
