Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
