Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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