He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
