You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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