I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
