And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Never joke about your clitoris.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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