oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Someone shit on the floor
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
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there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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