Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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