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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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