last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
