K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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